So i got to thinking about a conversation i had a couple years ago when I'd just turned twenty, and someone had asked me if I was ready for a relationship that could lead to marriage. Ofcourse, I answered. I'm old enough to be in a serious relationship, and if it eventually leads to marriage, I'm old enough for that also. So young I was, and so naïve....
What i hadn't known then was that real relationships have little to do with how old or mature enough we think we are; it takes a little bit more than that. So what makes a committed relationship, really?
A committed relationship, in my opinion, has little to do with high school crushes, college romances or vacation flings. A committed relationship has to do with two strong and functional individuals coming together to enrich each other's lives. A committed relationship has to do with two people who possess that willingness to take risks when it comes to loving, trusting, and being totally faithful.
So how do you know if you're ready for this?
Remember that I said it takes two 'strong and functional' individuals....being strong isn't just in the physical sense, or even in a mere emotional sense; it goes deeper than that. Being strong means knowing who you are: being confident about yourself; having that high regard for yourself; knowing where you come from and embracing it; and knowing what you want in life. If you don't know who you are or what you want, how can you know what you want in a relationship? Being strong is to be open to compromise, to sacrifice, to submission...
....Being functional is about understanding your goals and finding ways to achieve it, recognizing your fears (be it fear of getting hurt, of not always being in control) and 'finding' a means to overcome it and make it your ally. Recognizing your fear doesn't mean you have to get rid of it. Without fear there'd be no such thing as being brave or courageous. So it's about recognizing your fear and becoming 'friends' with it instead of running from it. Being functional is about setting standards for yourself; having enough self-esteem to determine not to settle for less; the willingness to leave old relationship baggages behind and take the risky step toward something new and different, but empowering and enriching....
We shouldn't be in a relationship just so we can feel better about ourselves; this just shows that we haven't 'grown up' and gained enough self-confidence to the point that we'll consider relationship as a want and not a need....
Of course, I'm in no way implying perfection, i.e. that one has to be perfect within oneself before seeking a partner. No. Not at all. There is no such thing as a perfect man or woman, boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife. In fact, don't even bother trying be perfect. Everyone, and i mean EVERYONE has their flaws and imperfections. Rather, what I'm meaning to say is, have it good, have it steady, have it stable within yourself. Know what you want, where you're headed, know what you can offer. As aforementioned, be ready to compromise, to sacrifice...to open up!
So many people fear real relationships and would rather play around or 'play the field', as they say it, because it's so much easier and less demanding. These people I'd never condemn, because in some ways one can't blame them. It doesn't mean that they're immature, they are just not mentally, psychologically and intellectually ready to handle a real hands-on relationship. Like I mentioned before, this has nothing to do with age; it doesn't matter if we're 20 or 35, if we can't honestly answer affirmatively to all that's been mentioned earlier, then we simply aren't ready. It's as simple as that.
So, again, in my opinion, before you go into a committed relationship you think you may be ready for, check with yourself first. Make sure you've got it good within yourself, for if you don't, how do you expect to have it good within your relationship?
Yes, this is what got me thinking today...
'til next time.
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